shiksas are for practice

We’re told growing up that practice makes perfect.

We’re also told that shiksas are for practice. Apply basic math and it would seem that shiksas are the practice for the perfection that is a Jewess. Even so, I still get annoyed when Jewish men date non- Jewish women. There are so many single Jewish women out there, and it seems there are so few eligible Jewish men. When you add shiksas to the mix the competition becomes fierce.

I admit it: I’m jealous of shiksas. For some reason, Jewish men are more attracted to non-Jewish women. It’s not because the women are more attractive or smarter than I am. It’s because Jewish men have grown up being told that non-Jewish women are taboo, prohibited, persona non-grata — and we all know we want what we can’t have.

Jewish men also want a woman who reminds them as little as possible about their Mother. A Jewish mother is known for her attention and affection, particularly with her sons, but he for some reason (the nagging? The nit-picking? The nosiness?) Wants exactly the opposite.

Jewish men have this vision of the perfect woman, and it ain’t a curvaceous, curly-haired, stubborn, smart-mouthed brunette. It’s a tall, skinny blonde with perky boobs, no butt and no brains. Gimme a break. It’s hard enough to date in the Jewish world without having to compete with Barbie (who was actually a Jew!).

When I get dumped by someone I’m dating, it’s all the more difficult to accept the rejection when my replacement isn’t Jewish. I know it sounds absurd, but if the guy dumped me for another Jewish girl, I’d be happy for them. Really, I would!

Apparently Jewish men have a better reputation outside of the Jewish community than they do inside of it. So much so that non-Jewish women are even creating profiles on J*Date! I wrote one woman and asked her why she thought Jewish men were worth $29.99 a month. Her answer — Jewish men make great husbands: they’re successful, loyal and good lovers. I’ll agree with…okay, fine, all of it.

But, there are way more non-Jewish single men out there with those traits, so leave the slim pickings to us!

Jewish women also are a hot commodity outside of the Jewish community. After corresponding with a J*Date member who is also a journalist, we decided to meet. As soon as we sat down at the sushi bar, he told me he wasn’t Jewish. He said all his friends are Jewish and he thinks Jewish women make the best wives and mothers and wants to marry one. He even said he’d be willing to convert.

Before walking out, I told him that was fine and dandy, but it was something he should be writing in his J*Date profile, not waiting until the date itself to share the information. Or better yet, don’t. Just get off the Jewish dating Web site and go log on to Match.com or Yahoo! Personals.

Life would be a lot easier if Jewish men would appreciate our gentle reminders to take out the trash, our skill at sniffing out a sale, our amazing capacity to dial the number of a caterer and how hard we work (i.e. waxing our eyebrows, blowdrying our hair and squeezing into Spanx) to look fabulous for a date with them. And Jewish women ought to begin appreciating Jewish men’s brains, brawn and beauty. Our men also are polite, taught to work hard and have a great (albeit odd) sense of humor.

Here’s some Jewish guilt: a 2001 survey published in Ha’aretz found the Jewish population in the U.S. decreased by half a million people due to an interfaith marriage rate of 50 percent. The ironic thing is those who do choose to convert to Judaism often become more religious Jews, more knowledgeable Jews and more active Jews than those of us who were born into the religion. Go figure.

• Natalie Benjamin has only been a journalist for the past 5 years but has been dating nearly half her life! If you have any dating dilemmas you can email her at: thesearchforbeshert@gmail.com.